social

I have just started reading Andre Agassi’s autobiography, Open.

The book starts with Agassi playing his last tournament before retiring, the 2006 US Open.

He is in New York with his wife, tennis superstar Steffi Graf, and their two young children. For the duration of the tournament the family stay in a suite at the Four Seasons hotel in Manhattan. A “lovely suite,” he says, yet it remains another of those places that are what he terms “Not Home.”

Rather, home is Las Vegas. For all the evident pain of his childhood, the constant pushing of his father and resulting hatred of his profession, Agassi remains wedded to the city where he was born and raised.

Relocating for love

As a result, it is Germany’s Steffi Graf who has made the move abroad.

Like any relationship where the partners hail from different countries, one or other has to give up their homeland. For some that may be a welcome move. For others, a painful sacrifice. Yet if they are to survive as a unit there is no other option.

I’m no trained relationship counsellor, so I’m not trying to be an Agony Uncle on this. But over the years I have seen a lot of couples wrestle with this location issue, with varying degrees of success. Some have continued happy and strong. Others, unfortunately, have not.

So what lessons can these sporting idols offer?

1)      Knowing the lingo

Graf has perfect English, which is a huge benefit.

Knowing or learning the local language is crucial when moving abroad. But it is even more important when moving to a partner’s country. Seeing as they will be jabbering away with extended family and friends in that tongue, you must be able to join in if you don’t want to get isolated socially.

2)      Partner’s understanding

The home country native also has responsibilities, not least to ensure they include their partner.

That means taking them places, introducing them to friends, giving them the freedom and opportunity to make their own social circle and interact with it, supporting them through any bouts of loneliness and homesickness. Understanding and support will be critical to prevent/repair any divisions.

3)      Affirm the decision

Why did Agassi and Graf settle in Las Vegas, rather than Germany or somewhere else?

Both partners need to be clear about why they have picked that particular location, rather than another.

You need to decide why, on balance, your choice of town/country offers the best quality of life for all concerned. Why does it have to be that person’s home, rather than the other way round?

If you aren’t both in agreement on this point, resentment and subsequent rupture can easily result.

4)      Love-all

It’s a book, so there is always potential for the writer to put a gloss on things. Nevertheless, what comes through in Agassi’s autobiography is evidence of a couple that adore each other.

Staying together in a long-term relationship is hard enough as it is. Trying to do it as an expat is next to impossible unless there are strong bonds of love, respect and friendship.

Ultimately, it is the love you have for each other that will keep you focused on what matters most, and get you through the inevitable difficulties arise.